Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
