Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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