Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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