It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
