Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
