tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize