I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
