I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
time to smoke my breakfast
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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