So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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