my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think my fart just growled at me.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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