drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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