tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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