You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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