I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
