I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
