You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
