the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
