I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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