Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
