Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
