The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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