I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
