So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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