We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
