I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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