We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
my liver is dry heaving
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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