there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
