apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
