i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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