Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
