I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
