fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
