I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
