But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
nutella sex= disaster
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
