I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
