so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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