what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
