I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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