I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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