careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
