I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I need a beard to bite.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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