he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
