I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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