There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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