I smell stomach acid.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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