So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
