Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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