Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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