Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
