did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
