Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My balls are so social today.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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