OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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