He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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