remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
