dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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