is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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