Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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