i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I could fuck to npr.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
