Don't make out with my wife yet
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
