I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
