You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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