Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
