I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
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