did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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