none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
