the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
