i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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