You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
