I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
