some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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