I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
