it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
