Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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