first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
