She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
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I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
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Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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