hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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